I'm not locked in here with you.
You're locked in here with me.

noui consilia et ueteres quaecumque monetis amici,
'pone seram, cohibe'. sed quis custodiet ipsos
custodes, qui nunc lasciuae furta puellae
hac mercede silent? crimen commune tacetur.
prospicit hoc prudens et a illis incipit uxor.

"I am aware of whatever councils you old friends warn, i.e. "throw the bolt and lock her in.” But who is going to guard the
guards themselves, who now keep silent the lapses of the loose girl - paid off in the same coin? The common crime keeps its silence. A prudent wife looks ahead and starts (her infidelities) with them."

It has been a long time coming but, someone eventually pulled the Watchmen movie from production hell: Way back in 1992 I read the original graphic novel for the very first time and it became emblematic of the period in much the same way as the movie Aliens was a marker for the 80's. I was bored one week and I decided that it would be nice to have something on the back of my leather jacket that made a slightly bigger (if more enigmatic) statement than "Looking for a Japanese girlfriend" So I painted the Watchmen Smiley from the inside page. Almost no one at the time had ever heard of the book but most of my friends drew a rather strange and comforting sense of reassurrance from me turning up in the pub with my jacket and Shemag - this was a time when almost no-one apart from Gulf War vets, Bikers and Keanu Reeves in "My Own Private Idaho" (observed by my friend Dee Conroy who I have mentioned here anon) wore one.
Well it seemed only appropriate that I should wear it to the Monday night showing of the movie. It wasn't exactly an Imax event, being screened in the smallest of the Xinedomes theatre (German Cinemas don't give Theatre Eins to violent 18 certificates - prefering some tripe about a bird and a dog). I thought the movie was great - even in German(!) and I must admit to being filled with even greater unrelenting glee whenever Roscharch said anything. It was inevitable even in 2 hours 16 minutes that some of the great back stories would go - the pirates, the psychiatrist and most especially those funny cigarettes, to name but three, but everything else in it was absolutely rock and roll. A proper movie with everything you could ever need, sex, violence, radioactive dudes, vigilantes, urban dystopia, rain, nihilism, conspiracy, gadgets, costume heroes and a plot (note to directors of Iron Man, any Batman Movie, subsequent Alien(and or) Predator franchise sausage machine extrusions - you need one of those).
I guess I shall now wait to buy the extended-directors-cut-152-additional-minutes-of-mostly-turgid-crap-plus-the- making- of DVD, which I shall then attempt to watch as many times as I have watched the movie Aliens.

Watchmen: Best Graphic Novel of a generation.
Watchmen: Best Movie adaptation of a generation.

I guess that means I liked it.

All Power to the Soviets!

Massed Plumbers on Home Front!

Mario Brothers arrive in a full offensive line-up!

Power tools to the fore!

Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Koopa and Tom of Finland arrived early in the morning with a complete set of pipes, elbow joints, radiators and huge power tools.
Tom and Luigi proceeded to cut giant mouse holes in the walls and Mario and Yoshi manhandled copper piping, soldering elbow joints as they went.

Tool-Handling
Luigi and Yoshi power-bored holes in the wall for the radiator mounts and Dagobert Toadsworth himself appeared and agreed, after a sound ear-bashing with a large acorn from The Squirrel, to demands that the living-room radiator should be sensibly fitted beneath the west window. Tom of Finland demonstrated his superb-tool handling with a direct bore chisel through solid concrete with double (post 1947 German Economic Miracle) R-bar steel. By the end of the working day (6 pm and it was a Friday!) they had completed almost 40% of the required work!

Result!
To celebrate an actual working day that actually involved some work, we rewarded the hard working NES characters with a delicious cup of coffee - which being Germans - they appreciated immensely.
So still no heating but the weather has been rather mild over the past few days of frantic activity

I guess we will be getting up early tomorrow.

We might even give them sarnies, to promote Protestant work ethics, with lots of fine Salami, Wurst und Senf.

Power on - Power - off - Power On
Sonic to the rescue!

Today the electricians quietly turned off the power and said it was only going to be off for half an hour. 5 hours later having zapped all the circuit breakers, Sonic the Hedgehog, Dagobert's genius 12 year-old electrician turned up at the apartment and helpfully pointed out that the circuit breakers had clicked. Then his mum shouted on him for his tea.
There is of course no point in expecting a report of further activity here today because normally things get f*@ked up in the afternoon, just before the 'workmen' leave.
So MS Project entry for today would be

• 2:30 Activity: Screw everything up.
• Resources: Sparkies - 2 Screwdriver - 1
  
• Time: couple minutes

So in the absence of anything happening here's a picture of the Combined Heating and Power Unit in the cellar - and no, it's not working yet either.

The Cult of King Rolf
On an entirely different subject - we were in Hugendubel (a famous bookshop chain) and I spotted local character King Rolf, trying to read classic literature without his glasses and apparently he is a tad long-sighted. Note the Indigenous Peoples feathers, the thin white religious clothing, the (you can't see this!) bare feet even in the depths of winter and the metre long dreads.

Cult Leader by Proxy

He is (possibly unaware too) the head guru of the local internet Cult of King Rolf. It's supposed to be a really good day for you if you spot him (similar indeed to a squirrel day or a Zoe McConnell (she's a photographer now but still NSFW) day in The Soaraway). Legend (urban) has it that you have to take a photo of him and put it on your social website - so I guess this counts.

Saturday: Ikeaday already

Almost a hive of activity.
Workers have entered the building!
The electricians are in the old cellar (diagonally opposite the blue paper bin in the photograph) doing whatever Sparkies do with Combined Heating & Power systems. The are probably making sure the grid credit meter is working first.
After that they will think about providing us with heating.

Dagobert appeared with the man who does either the painting or the woodwork (or possibly both) and I had to politely ask him to talk quietly as The Squirrel was hibernating (night-shift). The next time I looked out, the kitchen and bathroom doors were gone - to be stripped, honed, sanded, repainted and possibly have working handles fitted. A complex project so I hope the company own either Microsoft Project, an open source alternative or a laddie with a pencil and notepad.

Yesterday was so quiet that The Squirrel suggested that I should take some photographs of the decant apartment's kitchen. We're not living in it because:

• a) it's a dump.
• b) We would have to sleep on campbeds.
• c) No satellite (I do have 30 meters of cable, but it would involve taking the TV, the decoder, the stand, the sofa, the kettle and the fridge for cold drinks, so what the heck.)
• d) no Broadband connection (runs screaming from room)

However, I managed to take an accidentally charming photograph. Sheesh!

Friday
Nothing is happening.
We are now almost professionally qualified microwave-combi cooks.

Basmati Rice Recipe:

• 1 standard cup Basmati rice.
• 2 cups of water just off the boil.
• pinch of salt.
• couple of strips of bacon (optional).
• place rice in a microwave bowl with a lid that allows steam to vent.
• Add the water, salt and bacon.
• Microwave on full power for three minutes
• leave to stand for five minutes
• Strain
• Serve.

The back lawn is tidy.
It is getting colder.

Thursday
Mrs Toadsworth called to say they were having difficulty procuring craftsmen and that the architect had run off to America to get married.

The back lawn is tidy.
It is getting colder

Wednesday
Nothing happened.
Tom was downstairs all night hammering his head against the wall.
Dagobert left a tiny fan heater at the door on Tuesday night.
Available from MediaMarkt for 9.95 euros

The back lawn is tidy.
It is getting colder.

Tuesday. Nothing is happening today.
Nothing at all.

• No Dagobert
• No Mario
• No Luigi
• No Tom of Finland
• and no Yoshi

So here is a picture of the "Office".
It is presently serving as
base camp and galley.
Note the essential coffee machine and Microwave Combi.

Saturday (ikeaday)

I'm sure it was barely more than 7 °C last night and as usual it was warmer outside. Today the thermometer reads 15 °C but it feels pretty cold in the living room.
7:30 Dagobert timidly buzzed the doorbell, but so lightly and for such a short time that I decided to ignore it. About ten minutes later he re-appeared with Tom of Finland, the concrete man and someone else. One of them obviously had sufficient strength to press the doorbell to the acceptable civilised human standard. I answered everyone with a "Guten Morgen," to which Herr Toadsworth almost managed a cheerful (for him) grunt. They retrieved the Hilti Power Chisel and subsequently dissappeared downstairs conducting an ad hoc works conference on the way. Tom came back about fifteen minutes later and resume chiselling parts of the kitchen and bathroom into chunks that would have whetted the appetite of that Frenchman who used to eat entire bicycles.

The Lions daughter (who is a sort of project manager) told The Squirrel that this refurbishment is the most mis-management building she has ever seen!
Toadsworth constantly parks the wheel barrow on the strip of lawn at the end of the yard and I constantly move it back on to the concrete.