The January Sales
Despite today being a Bank holiday in the UK it isn't a bank holiday here in Germany. Bank holidays which fall on a weekend are still holidays and by some curious process still count as holidays. In the UK, when Christmas falls on a weekend the country usually closes down for three weeks because of the two additional days off the working week. Not so here - if the public holiday falls on a weekend - tough. It just means all the shops are closed and since they are all closed on Sunday anyway there's no loss.
Monday the 3rd is not a holiday and the January sales sort of begin. Well not really - they don't need to because the entire nation in the South appears to turn up at either Media Markt or Ikea for the bargain of the year.
Now why anyone would consider a little air filter a bargain stumps me. What will they be filtering out of the air - no one smokes in the house here and South Germans certainly despise carpets so there doesn't seem to be a great deal of dust either. And then there are the queues. These are ubelievable in fact the British stereotype of being great at queueing has no comparison here. I have tried to tell people how much the British hate queues and how supermarkets don't have queues - they use Poisson Distribution mechanisms known as Queueing Theory - it's a branch of mathematics - to keep queues to a minimum. But no one believes me and the queues here go on forever. So much so today, that there was no point buying anything at all, because being British I simply wasn't prepared to stand in a queue for two hours.
Never mind while the Nation almost as a whole was in either Ikea or Media Markt, the remainder were in the local shopping Mall which was no more busy than a normal Saturday. Not only that, but it was cheaper than Media Markt and - No Queue.
When we were back in the car I got on the subject of German driving behaviour and observed that one of the reason there are so many Staus, is because almost everyone drives in that same idiosyncratic German style in and out in and out in and out and racing to the jam. We were in Bauhaus car park taking a short cut to Aldi's when we had to wait on a big Mercedes get out the way.
After almost a whole New York minute, the car behind us tooted - tooting here is compulsory especially if the driver of the car behind you is an expert Grand Prix Formula One driver and of course they all are - so back to the tooting car, we both looked around. This action in the UK would naturally make the person behind us think he was in the wrong but it has no real effect in Germany. That's because of the urgent important appointment syndrome - well everyone drives as if they are heading to an urgent life or death important appointment even when they are just going to the supermarket.
Anyway the car behind us was full of, well lets call them New Germans and when I say full, I mean full and it was a white estate. These New Germans were acting just like regular Germans in cars do. If you want integrate properly here, just toot.
So Susi helpfully gave them the finger.
Now in parts of Scotland that would lead to a shoot-out on the hard shoulder almost and what would happen in parts of England doesn't bear mentioning.
"What did you do that for?" I asked.
"Well, they tooted at us," she said unimpressed.
"That was bit aggressive just for a toot. Good grief, on that basis you could get tennis elbow in fifteen minutes on a day like this. They all toot. You toot. I tooted once last Wednesday for the very first time. It's one of the National Sports."
"Oh look," she says, amused. "They're following us into Aldi's"
"That'll be okay then, since it'll be me they pick the fight with."
Of course Germans fortunately don't do that, and as it turned out, they didn't follow us into Aldi's.
Despite today being a Bank holiday in the UK it isn't a bank holiday here in Germany. Bank holidays which fall on a weekend are still holidays and by some curious process still count as holidays. In the UK, when Christmas falls on a weekend the country usually closes down for three weeks because of the two additional days off the working week. Not so here - if the public holiday falls on a weekend - tough. It just means all the shops are closed and since they are all closed on Sunday anyway there's no loss.
Monday the 3rd is not a holiday and the January sales sort of begin. Well not really - they don't need to because the entire nation in the South appears to turn up at either Media Markt or Ikea for the bargain of the year.
Now why anyone would consider a little air filter a bargain stumps me. What will they be filtering out of the air - no one smokes in the house here and South Germans certainly despise carpets so there doesn't seem to be a great deal of dust either. And then there are the queues. These are ubelievable in fact the British stereotype of being great at queueing has no comparison here. I have tried to tell people how much the British hate queues and how supermarkets don't have queues - they use Poisson Distribution mechanisms known as Queueing Theory - it's a branch of mathematics - to keep queues to a minimum. But no one believes me and the queues here go on forever. So much so today, that there was no point buying anything at all, because being British I simply wasn't prepared to stand in a queue for two hours.
Never mind while the Nation almost as a whole was in either Ikea or Media Markt, the remainder were in the local shopping Mall which was no more busy than a normal Saturday. Not only that, but it was cheaper than Media Markt and - No Queue.
When we were back in the car I got on the subject of German driving behaviour and observed that one of the reason there are so many Staus, is because almost everyone drives in that same idiosyncratic German style in and out in and out in and out and racing to the jam. We were in Bauhaus car park taking a short cut to Aldi's when we had to wait on a big Mercedes get out the way.
After almost a whole New York minute, the car behind us tooted - tooting here is compulsory especially if the driver of the car behind you is an expert Grand Prix Formula One driver and of course they all are - so back to the tooting car, we both looked around. This action in the UK would naturally make the person behind us think he was in the wrong but it has no real effect in Germany. That's because of the urgent important appointment syndrome - well everyone drives as if they are heading to an urgent life or death important appointment even when they are just going to the supermarket.
Anyway the car behind us was full of, well lets call them New Germans and when I say full, I mean full and it was a white estate. These New Germans were acting just like regular Germans in cars do. If you want integrate properly here, just toot.
So Susi helpfully gave them the finger.
Now in parts of Scotland that would lead to a shoot-out on the hard shoulder almost and what would happen in parts of England doesn't bear mentioning.
"What did you do that for?" I asked.
"Well, they tooted at us," she said unimpressed.
"That was bit aggressive just for a toot. Good grief, on that basis you could get tennis elbow in fifteen minutes on a day like this. They all toot. You toot. I tooted once last Wednesday for the very first time. It's one of the National Sports."
"Oh look," she says, amused. "They're following us into Aldi's"
"That'll be okay then, since it'll be me they pick the fight with."
Of course Germans fortunately don't do that, and as it turned out, they didn't follow us into Aldi's.
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